Life

My Mother has decided since none of her three children have produced any grandchildren for her, she will adopt her own grandchildren.

CABBIES

I don't know what it is really, but cabbies are the easiest people to talk to for me.  Normally I would be really shy meeting and talking with someone new, but apparently if you drive a vechicle and I pay you money it is a breeze.  For some reason I love talking shop with cabbie drivers.  I seem to really connect with the difficulty in depending on Friday and Saturday nights to pay the rent.  Just saying.

Genius

The person that designed the Dairy Queen sign is genius.  I want to stop for a blizzard everytime.

Fun with animals

I am highly allergic to cats and dogs.  So each of my two sisters had a cat while I was growing up and my mom had a dog.  Here are two of my favorites things I did to pay them back.

1.  I would put mayonnaise on my dogs snout in a location that he could never quite reach.  I licked and licked but could never get it.  I think it was probably the happiest moment in his life.  My mother on the other hand would totally disagree.  When ever we had mayonnaise on the table she would say, "you better not put mayonnaise on the dogs noise."  I always did, because it was so damn funny.

2.  My sister rescued an emaciated kitty, which become the fattest, laziest cat.  I never saw it move at a higher pace than a mosey until one of the funniest days in my life.  That day I received a helium filled balloon probably to recognize a very significant achievement in my life.  I don't remember the achievement that resulted in that helium filled balloon but I do remember tying the string around my sister's fat cat.  It terrified him so much he took of running.  He was obviously not used to running because he slammed into the wall, meowed, then backed up and ran into the wall again.  It continued for awhile; wall, meow, wall, meow, wall, meow, wall, meow, then for some reason my sister stopped the fun.  I probably should have received a helium filled cat balloon for that achievement.  Meow.

WHERE THERE IS A WILL THERE IS A WAY, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT

My sister desired a cute kitten like nothing else.  Yes of course like any 7 year old she would take full responsibility of being a kitty owner.  Yes she would feed her every day and clean her litter too.  No my parents did not believe it.  They decided to have a “test run” with a shorter life span animal that would be sequestered to a cage. 

She received a Guinea Pig for Christmas, which she named Christmas.  She loved and cared for that animal for whole 2 weeks.  Then the animal was moved to the back room and basically forgotten until she tragically died.  I will not go into the circumstance of her earlier death.  Well actually I am not allowed to until the trial has been completed.

Of course my sister was quite distraught.  Due to the frost Christmas was placed in a shallow grave for her eternal rest.  We woke the next morning to my sister screaming, “Christmas is all over the back yard.”  Apparently our neighbor’s dog dug up her final resting place and decided to spread some Christmas cheer. 

My sister got her kitty.

Feat of the Day

I had quite the experience on the Metra the other day.   I rode the train from Harvard to Chicago with a man who got on the train with a full 2 liter of RC cola and left the train with an empty 2 liter of RC cola.  He was focused like a well trained athlete.  He didn't listen to music, he didn't read anything, he didn't even look out the window.  He had a 2 liter bottle of RC cola and that was his focus.  He drank it like it was no big deal he had a 2 liter bottle of RC cola, but I knew it was big deal.  He didn't panick and drink it all during the first 15 minutes of the time.  No, he timed it perfectly. He started with full RC cola and finished is last sip of RC cola as we arrived at the Oglive Transporation Center.  He never visited the facilities.  He drank his RC cola.  I chatted with him for a bit, but we both knew he was just being kind.  His focus was his RC cola and I applaud him for a job well done.  I can only hope the next time I ride from Harvard to Chicago I get to experience the feat of drinking a 2 liter of RC cola during one train ride.

SOMETIMES

Sometimes I don’t want to wake up

Sometime I just want to sleep

Sometimes I wake up

Sometime I can’t sleep

Sometimes it is nice out and I stay inside.

Sometimes it is gloomy out and I go outside

Sometimes isn’t all the time, but it is sometimes.

WHY

Like any good 6year old, I find myself asking why a lot.  I have learned to stop asking why at work, because the question never seems to have a good answer.  If I just do it without understanding the logic it makes the work day smooth. 

I ask myself why I'm here a lot.  Maybe the answer is just because.  It is probably as good an answer as any. 

Baby Names

Boy - Ichabod  Girl - Ichaboda
Boy - Bingo  Girl - Binga
Boy - Guy  Girl - Gal
Boy - Orange  Girl - Apple
Boy - Hussein  Girl - Husseina
Hermaphrodite - Sam

PRIVATE CALLER

Why do you call?  Does anyone ever answer?  Do you really want to talk to someone that answers their phone when it comes up private? 

You crazy bo.

Zamboni

If I had an opportunity to drive a zamboni I would take it.  Dam the consequences.  

SLEEP

I love sleep.  It is one of my favorite activities.  That probably sounds pretty sad to most people, but it sounds really good to me.  People usually stay out because they don't want to miss anything.  I leave the party earlier because I don't want to miss any sleep.

When I start a new job or activity I love I will be on time or earlier for probably the first 2 weeks.  After that I am always late.  Which makes me think if I was offered a million dollars to wake up at 6 am every morning, that 2 weeks in I would be laying in bed at 5:58 am telling myself I can make a million dollars another time.  Sleeping is the best choice for me.

Make Up

Reasons I don't wear make up;

1.  It takes me 10 minutes to get ready for work.  If I wore make up it would take 15 minutes.  I would rather sleep the extra 5 minutes.

2.  I started to wear make up when I had my first "real" job after college.  I found when I didn't have time to put make up on in the morning (see above) people would tell me I looked really tired.  I decided to stop wearing make up so when I was actually tired I could put make up on to look normal.

3.  I am cheap.

4.  I think people should be comfortable being themselves.  Plus I am really hot so I really don't need make up.  Atleast that is what I tell myself.

5.  I should say something about animal testing or synthetic chemicals, but I don't really know anything about it.

Leslie Hall

A friend and I stumbled into Subterranean last Friday after a late dinner.  We must of have been attracted by the gem sweaters worn by those attending the show.  Thankfully I had a few drinks at dinner or I never would have paid $12 for a band I didn't know.  Once again my drinking has paid off.  The smile never left my face once internet sensation, Leslie Hall took the stage.  I am surprised I never heard of her since my boyfriend does a lot of "research" on the internet.  He says he is looking at funny videos, but now I don't know if I believe him.



Check her out at http://www.lesliehall.com/.

LIFE

I wonder if our Hunter and Gatherer ancestors questioned their position in life like we do.

I enjoy hunting, but how many buffalo do I really need to kill in my life?  I know it necessary to eat, but there has to be more to life.  Maybe I’ll become a Gatherer.  I think I might be happier as a Gatherer.  Berries are really delicious.

I MISS YOU

I miss my crazy neighbors. 

Neighbor #1.  Annie and Jane were awesome drunks. They were constantly falling down the 20 stairs leading to their apartment above ours. We would wake to find loose change, chapstick and sometimes even a bloody Annie outside our door.

Neighbor #2.  Mary was collecting her mail when she was randomly punched in the face by a girl she didn't know. I guess I don't really miss my neighbor but the random punching girl.

Neighbor #3.  I had a weird feeling that someone was living in our building's utility closet.  My suspicion was confirmed when I came home and saw smoking seeping out of the bottom of the door.  My landlord and boyfriend knocked on "their" door, but there was no answer.  After they kicked in the door I found out I was wrong, there were 2 people living in our utility closet.  We offered to bring them to a shelter, but the woman said she was stabbed in a shelter a month ago. 

Neighbor #4.  Meth Girl.  I am pretty sure she was a meth head.  We would constantly hear her scream at her boyfriend and food delivery men.  "You forgot my mother fucking coke.  Fuck you!"  I awoke at 3am because there was a weird flash coming from outside.  I looked out the window to find Meth Girl having a photo shoot of herself on our porch.  She also left her door wide open one day and was shocked to find someone stolen her bike.  So she installed obviously fake cameras outside her doors.  I think she may have gone to jail or just disappeared.  Her friend ended up squatting at her place.  He eventually stabbed my other neigherbor in the leg.  Good times.

My current neighbors are very boring. I guess my neighborhood has changed.

ALONE

One of the hardest things in my life is realizing I am alone and somehow learning to be okay with it.  As a child I had a fear that I was making all this up.  When I say everything, I mean everything; my family, earth, the universe.  I imagined waking up in “the void” and being alone.  It turns out I was right.  

Read - Anything Beyond The Universe? New Theory Changes Our Destiny

It also turns out I was a weird little girl, with kick ass bangs.

GOOGLE

Someone landed on my blog from googling "pony rape mom."  How awesome is that?

Gross

Some people think having reading material in the bathroom is gross.  I think not having reading material in your bathroom is gross.  What the hell are you doing in there if you are not reading?  Gross.

HELL

I don't know about you, but Hell always sounded bad to me.  However after being in India where waiting is an everyday part of life, I believe waiting to get into hell is worse.

RETIREMENT

Most people save their money to buy wonderful, necessary things. I save a majority of my salary so I can quit at any given moment. I think retirement is a waste while you are old. I retire every 2 – 3 years.


My first brush with retirement was after graduating from college. I decided to backpack through Europe before I started looking for a “real” job. It was an eye opening experience. Just as military service is required for every Israeli Citizen. Every American Citizen should be required to take a break between college (high school) and a 40 – 60 hours work week, 2 weeks of vacation and an ever increasing co-pay to experience life. Life after college shouldn’t involve $2k of debt to own wonderful things. Let’s start life after college with $2k in debt for experiences.

I retired two more times after my initial stint. My last retirement involved moving to Costa Rica to help out our friends while they took care of a hotel in the middle of nowhere on the Pacific Ocean for 3 months. Our days consisted of waking up, then making breakfast for the hotel guests. Well, when I say making breakfast, I have never made anything anyone would want to eat, but I did serve them the food my boyfriend made. Next on the agenda, spend time with the ocean, have sex, take a shower, then a nap. To close out the day we gathered fresh fish, vegetables, and fruit for the night’s dinner. Mike cooked shirtless and I served shoeless. When service was over we would drink a beer and visit the ocean, the moon and the stars then go to bed listening to the ocean. I learned life is best with good food, people and pura vida.

I have spent the last two years working a wonderfully challenging job that I have really enjoyed but also had extreme amounts of stress that I am not sure I know how to deal with. Maybe the way to deal with it is to hunt for mushrooms throughout the country for the next 6 months.

I would be crazy to leave such a great job, but maybe I will become crazy if I don't.

Ghosts of Indulgences Past, Present and Future

My Adolesence - Sticks of Butter aka Candy Bars
My Teens - Sugar and Sleep
My 20s - Beer
My 30s - Whiskey
My 40s - Wine
My 50s - Marijuana
My 60s - Hallucinogens (Mushrooms, etc)
My 70s - Pharmaceuticals (Imagine what they will come up with in the next 40 years)
My 80s - Sugar and Sleep
My 90s - Melted Butter Soup and Death

Life

Ah, good beer is so good.

Visit Annette's Flickr Page Here.

Life

Life would be more interesting to ourselves if instead of seeing everything through our eyes we saw it like we were the star of a movie.  I would think we would watch a lot less tv because watching ourself watch tv would be pathetic.

HAVE A TWISTED NEW YEAR

DEMOCRATIC SPIRIT

David Foster Wallace - "A Democratic Spirit is one that combines rigor and humility, i.e. passionate conviction plus a sedulous respect for the convictions of others." 

Can we all agree that having cancer should not be a reason for a person to fill for bankruptcy?  Our healthcare system is broken.  I have certain insurance because I have a certain job.  If I come down with a certain disease I can cerntainly not get insuranced if I leave my certain job.  Certainly this is bullshit.

No Republican voted for the healthcare bill.  Republicans did not offer a viable alternative to the democratic bill.   Their vote seems to hope for failure of the democratic bill, so they can get elected.  Where is the "Democratic Spirit?" 

Dem.  Sen. Nelson your conviction that you do not want the government to pay for aboration sounds legit until you also get additional money for your state out of the deal.  Are you against the government paying for an abortion or do you really want additional money for your state because you want to get re-elected.  You are a fuck too.  Did you fight to oppose the government paying for viagra?  Fuck you.

Our government is supposed to be our government.  Yes you are red and I am blue, but we all Americans.  There needs to be more Purple.

Great Recession 4th of July

Dear Chicago,

As we are all aware the city is having some cash issues.  While selling off our public assets may raise funds it also raises eyebrows, as it should.  We propose to have the greatest 4th of July show ever, while saving the city tons of cash.  Let the masses of gases bonded by gravity be taken in by our eyes during their journey of billions of years be the show.  Only our brave Mayor Daley can pull it off, unplug the entire Midwest.  Let the stars shine and the Midwest blackout.  Let's not Rio De Janeiro out do us again.

Sincerely,
People Against Light Pollution

LOOPHOLES

Good news!  The League of Wealthy Christians built a needle large enough to fit a camel.

"It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God" - Mark 10:25

DEATH

We have all heard this crazy idea that we are going to die, but most of us don't really know that we are going to die.  What death doesn't realize is how important we are in our life.  We are the main character dam it. 

We all deal with death in different ways.  Some of us eat right, excerise, work hard, basically do everything right as if this some how prevents a bus from hitting us tomorrow.  Some of us touch the door knob three times, count every footstep taken and never let our food touch to ensure everything will be just fine.  Some of us believe in religion which means death won't be a death but a rebirth.  Hooray!  I believe in the bus.

A PUSH

With a push, you can go much higher on a swing.
With a push, you can move furniture much easier.
With a push, you can achieve your wildest dreams.
With a push, you can fall off a cliff.